Moving On

Last night I came to a decision, it was time to remove myself from a FB page to which I belong.  There was a part of me that wanted to make a difference.  I wanted to show people life outside the program where you are calorie aware but don't have to count every morsel that goes in your mouth, that macros don't really matter that much and you don't  have to beat yourself up for not looking like a fitness model.  I think I was being naive because these programs are a competitive business ... I think even moreso than a bodybuilding competition and no-one wants to hear that someone is happy even with their imperfections ... they want to look like their idols whether they are famous fitness models or previous winners.

I grew weary of the undereating and overexercising and the angst over people's legs not leaning out or not having a 6 pack.  It's well overdue but it's time to move on.

The Power of Advertising

I feel like I'm getting slowly sucked in.  It's the power of advertising and curiosity is getting the better of me.  I have been getting emails advertising the next round of the 12wbt and the promise of new recipes with healthy chocolate cake and cocktails for the Christmas season coming up on my FB feed is wearing me down.  You know what they said about curiosity ... it killed the cat!

I'm tempted to sign up for another round and I'm going through the same old things in my head as I did previous times.  I'll do it better this round, I'll follow it to the letter and aim for a top 3 finish, I'll try to get my hubby and the kids more involved and see if we can get fit as a family, blah, blah, blah ...

And then they announced this round's (Round 3) prizes.  As the program gets bigger so do the prizes and I start to daydream .... wouldn't it be nice ...

Oh, and did I mention the finale is in Brisbane?

Don't get me wrong, it's a great program but at the same time it has taken me from the end of Round 1 to now to recover from my last go at it. After each round I get that feeling like I have failed ... particularly when I compare (I can't help myself) with other before and after pics.  At the end of the day, I don't have much to transform both physically and mentally AND that's a good thing.  I don't believe the program has any more to offer to me except maybe a handful of recipes.  I wouldn't be following the training as I love what I am doing now and I don't think I have ever followed the diet for any length of time.

I'm in such a better place mentally without the program.  I don't want to get bogged down in weights, measurements, body fat percentages and calories.  It did my head in and I doubt I could do the program without looking on the forums.  I need to be strong and not sign up ... all I can say is Mish, you are a bloody good business woman.

All Booked

I have booked my flights and accomodation for the 12wbt finale in Sydney.  Quite a few people from Round 3 last year have returned for this round and as they can take a guest each there are a few of us who are tagging along as a + 1.  Last year, the Lean and Strong crew needed a way of recognising each other and one of the girls came up with the idea of having pirate tattoos, flags etc.  From then the L&S crew have been known as pirates.  When the idea was formed noone realised how much it would have taken off and the last couple of rounds have had people showing up to the workouts in fancy dress and going to the party with eye patches.  It will be exciting to join the rest of  'the originals' at the party.

I'm finding it a little daunting to go down to Sydney by myself to meet a bunch of people that I have only met online.  We have booked our accomodation together and I'll be rooming with one of the girls.  I'm also meeting up with one of the guys in Brisbane and flying to Sydney at the same time so I'll have someone to chat to in the plane and we can share transport as well.  It should be a great weekend.

I also had the opportunity to meet a couple of the Rocky pirates on the weekend.  It was fantastic to sit around and gas bag over lunch and a cuppa.  The 12wbt has brought me this fabulous network of people for which I'm so grateful.

Back Again

Last week we went to Elliott Heads for a little break away.  The thing we love about going there is that there is not much to do there and all day to do it.  There is nothing quite like going to bed at 8 pm and having nanna naps after a day at the beach.  I packed my workout gear and got a couple of good workouts in but at the same time I didn't stress too much if I felt like sitting around with a couple of wines instead.  I have found that I need to at least go walking as my hips give me curry if I don't move enough.  As much as I love going camping, it is always nice to get home again to my routine (particularly with my food).

A few of my online buddies have returned for another round of the 12wbt and are heading to the finale in November.  As they can take a +1, there was talk of a bit of a reunion with the 2011 Round 3 Lean and Strong team so I have decided to head down there for the weekend.  I'm so excited as I have never met these people in real life but we have shared so much since doing our round together.  I have booked my tickets and we are looking at accomodation to share ... it should be an awesome weekend.

The Importance of Scaling and Other Random Crap

I have been getting frustrated with a few things recently.  I have been going to Crossfit for a little while now and lately I feel like I am going nowhere fast.  We have had a couple of intense WODs the last couple of weeks and I have had to think about my scaling options.  My goal at the moment is to get to the point where I'm using one of the bands for my pullups, my current scaling is jumping pullups.  The difficult part while I know I can push out a few sets of strict pullups I have to swallow my ego and scale right back when I'm doing the amount of reps required in the WODs.  Before each session, Sean, the trainer, goes through the scaling.  Last week I indicated that I would like to try the band at some point, to which he said that he,too, would love that but now is not the time.  He wanted me to get the best out of my workout and go for the allotted time, not crash and burn after a couple of rounds.  It was something that I had to consider again last night when we did "Cindy".  It didn't look like much on paper; 5 reps of pull ups, 10 reps of push ups, 15 reps of squats AMRAP in 20 minutes.  The scaling for me was jumping pull ups, knee push ups and I set myself the target of 15 minutes.  I got to just over 12 rounds in that time with the toughest part being the pushups.  I was trembling when I finished and know that I pushed as hard as I could.  I'm thankful that Sean was honest with me and scaled me back as I doubt I would have made it or would have injured myself.  When you think about it, all up I did 62 pull ups.  I guess I find it difficult as I'm not sure if I'm going often enough to make any decent improvement but, to be honest, I'm not sure if I could back up today with another intense workout like that anyway.

I have also been getting a little cranky with the fact that my pants seem to be getting a little tighter and I have a pudgy tummy hanging over my tights.  It seems as though I have gained some weight since finishing the 12wbt.  I wonder if I'm in a 'transition' period since completing the challenge.  I don't want to go back to the constant intensity of the 12wbt to maintain my weight because I ended the program exhausted and, well, broken both physically and mentally.  I'm struggling with that little bubble of panic where I fear the weight will start to pile on but, on the other hand, I want to have the faith that by simplifying my workouts my body will figure out where it's supposed to be.

The Sun Is Out

After a week of rainy, cloudy weather the sun is out again today and my mood has improved out of sight for the first time this week.  Maybe it's in direct relation to the weather, I don't know.

I love my FB groups, they are often my rock, but there are a few of people in one of them that are heading toward their first bodybuilding comp and I am finding that it is really messing with my head.  I guess it would be fair to say that the green-eyed monster has come out as they post various pictures of their physiques.  I was starting to feel like a fraud because, as a former competitor, I don't have the body of one; my abs aren't showing and I have fat on my butt and thighs.  It wasn't until I got into a conversation with last round's winner of the 12wbt did I realise (AGAIN!) that I need to focus less on the outer appearances.  As I may have said in a previous post, she had goals that were based on performance, not appearance, and what she achieved was pretty awesome.  It is difficult, though, when I am being bombarded with images of people prepping for comps and the subsequent comments saying how inspiring they are but these issues are about me and my own lack of self-esteem.  The thing is I'm fairly happy with how I'm going (most of the time) and I'm looking forward to seeing what I can do with regard to my strength training.  I need to focus on that.

Round 2 has begun

Round 2 of the 12wbt has begun.  There was a small part of me that was tempted to join up for another round, particularly since my weight has increased a little since the end of the last round.  Realistically, though, it has always been up to me to exercise and eat well, even while doing the 12wbt. Do I need a program to tell me what to do?  Not at the moment. I think it's important for me to train without the pressure of a challenge.

Beyond The 12 Weeks

I loved the lean and strong.  It challenged me and I got some great results.  I do, however, have some issues with it.  The blurb from the fact sheet is "The program would be well suited to anyone thinking of entering a body shaping competition."  Going from some people's after photos, they could step on stage as is with no further prep.  They look absolutely fantastic.  My problem is they comp prepped without a coach, without someone who can guide them 'post event'.  How are these people going to cope with the mind-fuck of post comp?  Or is there an expectation that this is their physique now?  Maybe it is, maybe their body can maintain low body fat.  I wouldn't believe that it could but, then, I'm no expert.  I hope it doesn't sound like sour-grapes on my behalf, because that isn't my intention, I'm genuinely concerned for their well being.  It's hard enough to deal with all that with a great coach and with forewarning.  I mean, everyone who competes is told about post-comp but I'm sure these guys are clueless.  I'm not sure how to broach the subject with people I don't know.  Ideas?

Essay Done and Reflections

It's all over bar the shouting.  I've written my essay and taken my after photographs and submitted it today.  If you want to see the pics you can see them here.  Despite everything I'm happy with how they turned out.  I wonder what they will think of my essay as I went into the fact that I pressured myself into wanting to win because I felt like maintenance wasn't 'sexy' enough.  Not sure how it will go down but, oh well. 

I initially joined the 12wbt to give me a program to follow which required very little thinking on my behalf and would challenge me physically.  It did that and I managed to gain a little bit of muscle along the way which I'm pretty pleased with.  I also hit a couple of PBs - 15 kg dumbbell press - WOOT!  I have also managed to win a few good prizes ... I have to say that my George Foreman Steamer was the best win, even Hubby loves the steamed veggies.  And I have met some fantastic people along the way which expanded my fitness network.  Overall, it has been a good experience and I have learnt quite a bit about myself too .

What Next?

This round has nearly finished.  It's time to take photos and submit the entry and celebrate the achievements from the last 12 weeks.  I won't be signing up for another round; it's time to move on.  To what, I wonder?  I have had a 'look' at a few programs.  I like to follow a program - there's no thinking on my behalf - I just do what I'm told.  Should I go back to a personalised program?  It's tempting.  I loved the fact that I had a program which fit into my life.  If I only had half an hour to train then I would get an intense workout which fit in perfectly to the time available.  It suited my busy schedule.  But I don't think I want to check in daily with a trainer or have to log food etc.  The thing is, I can do this myself.  Now that cricket has finished for winter I have a little more spare time.  I can fit in a couple of Crossfit sessions, go to the gym on ballet days, yoga at home on Wednesday and cardio (whether it's running, spin bike or DVD) on Friday.  I can write myself a 2 day split weights program.  Easy peasy.

Putting My Big Girl Panties On

My video didn't make it as a finalist in this week's challenge and as a result I've had a slight case of 'the sads' today.  Considering a few of the finalists were 'repeat offenders' and are often getting acknowledged in the program I felt like I wasn't part of the cool crowd.  To be honest, I didn't think my video was worthy but it would be nice to have some recognition for my part in the program.  I could try and hide my my feeling but, you know what, I think it's okay to feel disappointed.  I've acknowledged it and have put on my big girl panties and am moving forward. Besides, my training has rocked lately and that makes me happy :-)

Week 10 Challenge Video

I have copied this from my 12wbt blog but wanted to put it here as well.

There are a lot of truly inspirational videos for this week's challenge and, I'll be frank, I was a little spooked and wasn't going to do it but when I realise just how far I have come I am so proud of myself.  I wasn't (and still not) good at sports, physical stuff is a struggle for me BUT I put my head down and I do it.  It may take me a long time to get stuff, hell it took me years to do 1 chin up BUT I have achieved it.

Some Positivity

I feel like I've been a bit whingy lately, particularly in the forums and the L&S FB page.  I don't like being 'that' person so have decided to look at the positive side of things in this post.  I have loved the 12wbt program and I have met some awesome people during the last couple of rounds.  A lot of people have gone onto different programs since the end of last round and I've enjoyed following their progress.  Some have gone onto compete or are prepping for upcoming comps, others are focusing on being fit for life and it is fantastic to be surrounded by like-minded people, even if it virtual.

I feel truly grateful for my other 'online fitness family'.  When the meltdowns happen, the advice from people who aren't part of the challenge is invaluable.  There are those times when you start to believe the hype and to have outside people around helps to keep me grounded.

This also applies to the people above as most of you have been through my comp preps but I have realised how awesome my comp preps were.  The reason I didn't fall into a big heap afterward was due to my prep.  When I read what other people are doing to get stage ready ... wow, I was lucky.

I set myself a goal of being in the top 3 transformations for Lean and Strong, I have come to realise that it wouldn't be achieved BUT I have realised that I don't want to 'get ripped'.  I just want to be healthy and enjoy my exercise.  I love pushing myself hard but I want to do it for me.  I love having a healthy diet because it makes me feel good not because I want to win a prize in a competition.  I had been thinking that I had done one round too many but I guess I have learnt this over this round so it wasn't a total bust.

Some Down Time

It's back into the swing of things after a few days off for Easter.  I did over-indulge a little in the old chockie department but am not feeling an ounce of guilt over it.  I continued to train but did workouts that I enjoy.  One of those was Cathe's Turbobarre DVD.  Maybe 'enjoy' is not the best word to describe it but I know I get wicked DOMS from it.  Who would think lifting about 3 - 4kg could make your biceps burn.  I gave my SSS the flick in favour of heading to the beach with the family and a group of friends.  I don't know if it was the Vitamin D or the fact I was just relaxing with great company but I felt truly happy for the first time in awhile.  I think the weekend was just what I needed :-)

Update Time

Well, we are in Week 8 of the 12wbt.  I have my 12wbt blog which I put my updates on and not bore everyone with weigh-ins etc.  I had a look back at an old post from Week 8 in Round 2 and I was going through exactly the same things that I am going through now; not feeling like I'm getting anywhere, a spike in my weight, no changes anywhere, tired and grumpy.  It seems that my cycle tends to fit in with the monthly milestones so I know that is the reason for all these feelings but I find it interesting that I can almost predict how my emotions are week by week.  I'm also wondering if the 12wbt is for me ... or any 'transformation' type program is for that matter.  I don't care about my fitness tests or measurements and compulsory weigh-ins.  Time to find a program that is just for fun with no pressure.

Putting Things In Perspective

I am continuing to let a few things get to me this week but am trying to work through it.  The issue is that I wanted to give this round a red hot go.  I know it may not be very 'politically correct' but I was aiming for a top 3 finish in the L&S.  My thought process was that if I set myself a goal like that I would do everything I had to succeed.  The reality is that the last 2 winners of this category (who looked fantastic, by the way) lost 8 kg and 11 kg and I have felt that if I had any chance of being in the winner's circle I would have to drop weight.  This month my weight has been up and down and as at the end of week 4, which is milestone week where we have to do measurements and our fitness test, I am only 100 g down from the start of the round.  Needless to say I was disappointed and the competition side of the 12wbt has gotten to me (AGAIN!)  I started to doubt the program and it's ability to deliver results.

I did my measurements last night as well and was also disappointed in them until I accumulated the results.  While a couple of cms here and there don't look fantastic but when I added them together I have lost 9 cm overall and gained 0.5 cm on each bicep.  Once I put it into perspective I realised that my results aren't too bad.

I guess I have set high expectations of myself.  I know it is highly likely I won't be in the top 3 as there are so many people in the program that will have a lot bigger transformations.  There are people who have never set foot in a gym so their improvements are so much greater.  I think it is time to stop worrying about the competition and just be the best version of me.

Comparison Monster Strikes Again!

The problem with doing something like the 12wbt is occassionally the old comparison monster hits.  PMT has struck this week and I'm tired, bloated and feeling a little out of sorts.  I guess it's not the best time to read upbeat posts about how well people are going or to see pics of people prepping for comps.  While I'm ecstatic for them and will cheer them on every step of the way, there is a small part of me that feels fat, frumpy and a little bit useless as I can't do some of the things that other's are doing.  I know it's the hormones talking but once those little seeds of doubt enter your head it is hard to stop them taking hold.

I think a couple of nanna naps on the weekend are required to get me back in the right headspace.

Go Hard or Go Home

We are nearly at the end of the first week and I'm feeling pretty darn good.  I feel like I have some direction and it is showing in my training ... I'm not just going through the motions.  Last night's training was kick-arse and I even let out a few grunts during my bicep curls (not something I do when at the gym).  I had to dig deep when I got on the spin bike as doing 20 mins going nowhere is like extracting teeth for me but thanks to some great tunes I survived it.  Bring on the next 11 weeks :-)

Goal Setting Time

I've signed up for another round of the 12wbt as there is part of me that feels like I didn't really give it everything last round.  Life has a habit of getting in the way sometimes and exercise was  not my main focus last round.  Anyway, I'm back and ready to smash it. 

We are currently in pre-season and this week's task is all about goal setting.  I normally struggle with this one and I feel like most of my goals are pretty wishy-washy but this round I have a couple that I'm really keen to reach.  The first one I'm nicking from the lovely Marion, yep, I want to be able to do the splits.  This is something I can also do with the girls as the extra stretching will only help their dancing.  The other one is to do a beginners duathlon.  One of the girls from the Gladstone 12wbt group suggested it and I think it is a great idea.  The long course is a 5 km run, 24 km bike ride and then a 2 km run.  There is also a short course as well as triathlons.  I initially thought about doing the short course (1km run/14 km ride/2 km run) but I figured I should challenge myself and do the long course instead.  I decided not to do the triathlon as I think I would need some swimming lessons for which I really don't have the time.  The other benefit is that a few of us are doing it ... GIRL TRIP!  I am going to have to think about how to fit in my training around the L&S program and try and get some bike rides and running in somehow.  The other thing I need to do is get myself a half decent bike.  My current Big W special isn't that great; I had some old dude fly past me on my ride home from work on Friday and I was pedalling my little heart out.  It should be fun and it is nice to steer away from goals that are based on physique/appearance.

Another Weekend, Another Party

Night out with the Girls

This weekend was the 12wbt finale down at Sydney and unfortunately I was unable to go.  Instead a few of the Gladstone 12wbters got together for dinner to celebrate.  It was a lovely night and I had my phone handy so we could find out the winners during the evening.  The Lean and Strong section has really stepped up a notch and all the winners looked fantastic and were totally deserving.  It has made me reflect on my last 12 weeks and I wonder what I could have achieved if I really committed to it 100%.  I'm tempted to do another round and give it a fair dinkum go ... I'll see how I go in the new year.

My new workout singlet