Friday, July 27, 2012

A Confession

This week I posted some photos in the FB groups. One I was showing a pic of my tatt on my stomach, the other was a photo of my abs because there had been talk of leaning out the stomach area. The photo of my tattoo was a picture taken during my first comp prep. I was super lean in that photo and I have to admit I love the picture. I didn't say that it was from 2008, I just posted and explained the tattoo. The second was from the end of last round and I said that it was from then. I also had said in one my comments that I have a layer over the top of them at the moment and would post better updates on the weekend.

The thing is, I am embarrassed with how I look at the moment.  I'm not overweight at all but I feel like I have placed an expectation on myself to be a certain way in these groups; I've created a persona of an ex-competitor who has her shit sorted.  I am lying to myself and to these people.  I am not what they think I am.  Why am I pretending to be something I'm not?  Logic tells me that I can't compare myself to my leanest because, well, it's ridiculous but only I am putting this pressure on myself, not the people in these groups.
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