A Sad Day

Today my Aunty died.  She was in her early 50's which is way too young.  She has been battling ovarian cancer for quite a few years now and it is so sad to lose such a beautiful person to this horrible thing that is cancer.  I seem to have lost so many people to this disease: my father, his brother, my maternal grandmother, Hubby's uncle and now my Mum's baby sister.  Not sure what else to say but 'Rest In Peace'

I Feel Good!

Funny how a break through always follows a meltdown.  Today I'm feeling a lot better about things.  With the help of my on-line family I have come to realise that I am FKN awesome.  There are always going to be people who are stronger, smarter and have better abs and I need to accept that and move on.  It is amazing what a couple of days (and a few extra carbs) can do.  Speaking of carbs, having noodles seemed to do the trick on Wednesday night ... I had a drop of 600 g since Wednesday weigh in.  Who says you can't have carbs and lose weight?  Pfffftt!

Putting Things In Perspective

I am continuing to let a few things get to me this week but am trying to work through it.  The issue is that I wanted to give this round a red hot go.  I know it may not be very 'politically correct' but I was aiming for a top 3 finish in the L&S.  My thought process was that if I set myself a goal like that I would do everything I had to succeed.  The reality is that the last 2 winners of this category (who looked fantastic, by the way) lost 8 kg and 11 kg and I have felt that if I had any chance of being in the winner's circle I would have to drop weight.  This month my weight has been up and down and as at the end of week 4, which is milestone week where we have to do measurements and our fitness test, I am only 100 g down from the start of the round.  Needless to say I was disappointed and the competition side of the 12wbt has gotten to me (AGAIN!)  I started to doubt the program and it's ability to deliver results.

I did my measurements last night as well and was also disappointed in them until I accumulated the results.  While a couple of cms here and there don't look fantastic but when I added them together I have lost 9 cm overall and gained 0.5 cm on each bicep.  Once I put it into perspective I realised that my results aren't too bad.

I guess I have set high expectations of myself.  I know it is highly likely I won't be in the top 3 as there are so many people in the program that will have a lot bigger transformations.  There are people who have never set foot in a gym so their improvements are so much greater.  I think it is time to stop worrying about the competition and just be the best version of me.

Step Away From The Computer!

Things have been getting on top of me lately and I think a large part of the problem is spending too much time on the computer/tablet.  I think it is time to limit my FB, Twitter and Forum times to certains times of the day.  One thing I try to teach my kids is that they can watch TV or play on the computer once they have done their homework, practiced their instruments and dances; get the work done and then you can play.  I need to practice what I preach.  Social media will be once I get everything done of an evening or on my lunch break - not in the morning when I should be getting ready.

Comparison Monster Strikes Again!

The problem with doing something like the 12wbt is occassionally the old comparison monster hits.  PMT has struck this week and I'm tired, bloated and feeling a little out of sorts.  I guess it's not the best time to read upbeat posts about how well people are going or to see pics of people prepping for comps.  While I'm ecstatic for them and will cheer them on every step of the way, there is a small part of me that feels fat, frumpy and a little bit useless as I can't do some of the things that other's are doing.  I know it's the hormones talking but once those little seeds of doubt enter your head it is hard to stop them taking hold.

I think a couple of nanna naps on the weekend are required to get me back in the right headspace.

Go Hard or Go Home

We are nearly at the end of the first week and I'm feeling pretty darn good.  I feel like I have some direction and it is showing in my training ... I'm not just going through the motions.  Last night's training was kick-arse and I even let out a few grunts during my bicep curls (not something I do when at the gym).  I had to dig deep when I got on the spin bike as doing 20 mins going nowhere is like extracting teeth for me but thanks to some great tunes I survived it.  Bring on the next 11 weeks :-)

Opened a Can of Worms

Apparently this is ugly

Over the last week people have been putting their transformations on the 12wbt Facebook Page.  The Lean and Strong program is under represented on the page so I decided to post my comparison pics ... after all the program is supposed to cater for everyone.  Minutes after uploading the photos I got a comment of 'how can you think this looks good' and when I asked the commenter to explain what they meant she deleted it.  And then I got another person's comment saying that I need a good feed (or something along those lines) and how Mish would agree with her because can't you see my ribs sticking out in the second photo.  Ummmm .... that's muscle, Love!  I think it's sad that someone who is healthy and fit is considered underweight and disgusting.  I also think it's sad that people think they can comment on people's weight regardless of them being big or small.  I guess if I didn't want critisism I shouldn't post on that page but I honestly did it because I  like the L&S program and there are loads of people out there who are at a happy weight but are looking for a program that suits them.  Round 2 has started today.  Yes, there is another one where I have been called 'f***ing ugly'.  I would take the photos down but there is part of me that thinks stuff them, I have every right to put my photos up there as much as the overweight people do.  I'm proud of the muscle I have built and shouldn't be made to feel any different.