To Open or Not To Open

That is my main question at the moment.  Registration will be opening for the Crossfit Open in the next few weeks and I'm unsure of whether to give it another shot or not.  I don't feel like I have improved enough over the last year and will quite likely get stuck on the same movements as I did then.  I'm also worried about things like bar facing burpees or lateral burpees because I continue to have issues with jumping with 2 feet at once and will skip over the bar.  I don't trust myself to clear the bar.

I have decided to spend a little time at home on some of my weaknesses which includes box jumps, handstands and jumping over a bar both forward and laterally.  I'm not spending a massive amount of time just a few minutes for each exercise and hope to continue to build confidence in myself.

Today's WOD was a nice little 21, 15, 9 triplet of power cleans, squats and toes to bar (I did knee to chest).  I had a plan of doing a weight of 25 kg but decided to drop it right back to 15 kg as my back has been a little tight and this type of workout can wind up the back.  We then finished with some handstand work which gave me some good pointers to try out at home, particularly working on that hollow rock position.

Now for something that I don't usually want to talk about because I try not to get caught up with body image and weight but the fact is after the Christmas period my clothes have become uncomfortably tight.  I weighed myself at the gym on Friday as we had to do a bodyweight deadlift as part of the WOD and was shocked at the number on the scale.  This is where I'm torn as I have been getting PBs in the gym and when I look in the mirror I see a quad sweep but my clothes are getting quite uncomfortable.  Zoe, one of the coaches at the gym, is doing up nutritional programs and I have decided to have a chat to her particularly with regard to eating for strength.  I figure it can't hurt and she does a body fat %, measurements etc so I can see where I'm sitting. 

Back From Holidays

I have spent the last week camping with the fam and some friends.  It is always lovely to get away although not so nice to be in a camper trailer in the middle of a heatwave.  I had grand plans of doing a couple of  camping WODs but it was waaaay too hot.

My baby girl

Moo

Our early morning visitor

Keppel Island

Kicking back

It hurt getting back into Crossfit this morning.  Not only has the heatwave continued but a week of overindulging has made me feel weak as a kitten and add to that a very 'un-fun' WOD of:

Dead-Lift

5, 5, 5, 5, 3, 3, 3

-

Then..

-

For Time:

50 Double Unders

18 DeadLifts B/W

50 Double Unders

15 DeadLifts B/W

50 Double Unders

12 DeadLifts B/W

50 Double Unders

9 DeadLifts B/W

50 Double Unders

6 Dead Lifts B/W

50 Double Unders

3 DeadLifts B/W

Run 1 Mile

I stupidly decided to attempt RX'd for this little sucker and regretted it in the first round of deadlifts.  This WOD nearly broke me and I admit to having a few tears midway through the workout.  People were going out for their run and I was still stuck on my 3rd round of deadlifts.  My hands were tearing from the deadlifts as they had softened up from a week off and lots of swimming.  I felt unwell and was sore but the only thing that kept me going was the fact that I didn't want a DNF (did not finish) after my name on the whiteboard.

I finished the WOD in 33:45, around 10 minutes after most of the people who trained in the morning session. I'm proud of this workout as I wanted to give up and yet I didn't.  I may have walked most of the run and I struggle to link double unders and deadlifts but I fought every inch of the way and that can only make me stronger.  I'm grateful, yet again, for my coaches as well as my teammates.  Gabby and Zoo met me out on the run and cheered me on for the home stretch, there were others waiting for me back at the box with the hose running so I could cool off in the water.  There are the WODs that I know I killed and then there are WODs like these ... and I reckon these types of WODs matter most.

New socks!

It takes some serious talent to whip your belly during double unders

Little Things

I have been filled with self doubt the last week.  CrossFit is hard, really hard and there are so many things I need to improve on.  Somedays I think it would be easier to go back to what I was doing before ... I was okay at that ... I rocked at Body Attack etc.  It seems my coordination is limited to grapevines and other aerobic moves, not olympic lifting and double unders.  Some days I'm painfully aware of my limitations.

As I have said before, I have a few issues with box jumps.  They terrify me.  When I look at the box my mind immediately sees me missing it, tripping over the front and breaking an arm/teeth/nose/face.  To try and overcome this fear I have been using plates.  When I did some work with Jardan we tried a 25 kg plate and 15 kg stacked on top of each other and I just couldn't get it.  My feet wouldn't jump at the same time so I was skipping onto the plates.  I'm determined to get this as I don't want to do step ups anymore in a WOD.  To get myself used to jumping with 2 feet I have only been using the 25 kg plate and even then when I started I really had to focus on jumping not skipping.  Fast forward a few weeks and I jumped onto the 25 and 15 kg stack last night ... with 2 feet ... at the same time!!!  It seems so trivial when I see other people there jumping onto 20 or 24" boxes but I was so excited.  So much so I had to PM Jardan to let her know.  I'm so lame!

It seems like our head coach has my number though.  We had a choice last night of a run or a row.  I hate running but I dislike rowing even more so put my hand up to run.  He turned to me and asked why I wanted to run and then put me on the rower.  Nothing like being forced out of my comfort zone!

There are times though when he suggests I use an easier option when I want to go harder and last night he suggested I use a green band instead of purple (purple is a harder option) for pull ups.  I stuck to my guns and used the purple band ... it was kind of nice to prove that I could do it.  And I did full burpees instead of knee burpees.

It's these little things that keep me going.  The little improvements that keep me wanting more.  It always seems like when I'm just about to give up something happens that makes me realise I don't suck as bad as what I think I do.

Conquering Fears

Or at least I'm trying to.

As I have said in the past, the thing I struggle with most at CF is the dreaded box jump.  It comes up so often in our workouts and I have had enough of having to modify my training due to the fact that I'm afraid of hurting myself.  I don't believe I have that explosive power required to jump and if I don't believe in myself of course it will never happen.  I spent Sunday afternoon practicing on my step which is 6".  I started with my usual 1-2 skip ... it's like there's a part in my brain that says if I leave one foot down, if I trip I will be okay .... eventually I was jumping with 2 feet together.  I then moved to a step outside which is 8", again starting with the skipping motion but getting to the point of jumping properly.  Right-o, I had made a start to getting over this fear.

Monday is Crossfit day.  I checked the WOD and it consisted of 7 x 5 sumo deadlift high pulls and then seated box jumps.  This is where you start sitting on a box and then jump onto another box.  The fact that you are sitting gives you more power and the ability to jump higher.  I was nervous but felt like I need to start to deal with this.

I started to chicken out as soon as I saw the 20" box come out and, thankfully, there is another girl who does step ups.  I thought I was the only one there who couldn't jump!  We asked what we could do instead.  Sean, the head coach, asked both of us if we were interested in using today as a confidence building exercise and use the plate weights to start off.  The other girl wasn't so sure but I was pretty keen ... today was the day to do this!  We stacked a couple of 25 kg plates and jumped on those.  I think it was about the same height as I was doing at home and I landed them. J (my box jump partner) stacked another and I did the old skippy thing I do ... I just couldn't get both feet to move at once.  She aced it and added more while I stuck to the lower height.  It's funny as we were discussing it and she is afraid of the box so jumping the height isn't an issue whereas I'm afraid of the height ... it doesn't matter what I'm jumping onto.

As we were jumping onto our little weights I was watching the others jumping onto their boxes stacked with weights as well.  Some of the girls were jumping well over 30" and here's me struggling to jump a few weights.  I felt like such a numpty and have to admit I went home feeling a little deflated.

I have to take note of the advice I give to my kids and remember that I will only get better with practice and if I have to take it really slowly to build my confidence then so be it.  Next time box jumps come up I will see if I can do them with the stacked weights again because I am not going to improve while I continue to do step ups and I will try and fit in some practice a couple of times a week.  I'm not going to let it beat me!

Stuff

I have been lucky post comp, I have felt a little lost but apart from that not much else. I have stayed well within my 5 kg target even with a little bit of dirt in my diet. My biggest hurdle has been my lack of consistancy. I start the week well but tend to crash and burn by the end of the week and I would rather not even mention weekends. To try and make myself more accountable to myself I have decided to start a diet and training blog. Its nothing too exciting, just what I have planned for myself for the day as well as some daily goals.

After watching the Nationals I can see where I need to be next year. I have been fluffing around with my training and its time to step up. Sometimes its difficult training at home by myself as it is too easy to not train as hard as I should. I'm not using it as an excuse but merely saying that I need to push myself more, to lift heavier. My biggest problem is my own self-belief. I have never been good at any sport so I tend to talk myself out of things instead of believing that I can. I know when training with Liz I would look at my workouts and tell myself that there was no way I could do it. When I gave them a go I found I could and whats more, I enjoyed it. It was the same when I decided to compete. There was part of me that felt like I wasn't worthy of being up on that stage - that there was no way I could look like a figure competitor, that I couldn't be competitive. In retrospect, I think my body was as good as most of the girls that I competed against but my lack of confidence showed through in my posing. I've learnt from that and I know that I will improve next comp. In saying that, its time to get off my butt and train hard!