Cleans Again

Last night we had power cleans.  Unlike last week, I went in relaxed and not too stressed about what I was lifting.  Would you believe that I finished with a weight of 40 kg, an equal PR but I did it easily and without fuss?  Last week I was stressed about having to lift 40 kg for the comp, this week I was like, meh, whatever.  Mindset is an amazing thing.

That Feels Better!

I haven't been sleeping well lately.  I find it hard to wind down and switch my brain off and often lie there looking at the clock for a long time after settling in for the night.  The result is me becoming a little cray-cray.

I didn't do the Crossfit class yesterday and went to Mobility instead.  Like everything I have to choose between either mobility or crossfit, I can't do both unless I get up at stupid o'clock and do the 5 am class.  I went onto the FB page and looked at the scores for the class and noticed everyone had at least something for the handstand hold or handstand walk part of the WOD.  That sent me spiralling into beat up mode.  Thoughts of "I suck because I can't even kick up into a handstand" and "I don't know why I keep showing up because I'm not showing any progress whatsoever."  I wish I could keep the negativity at bay.  I wish I could do handstands and box jumps and other stuff that people take for granted so I wouldn't get so down on myself all the time.  I wish I had more time in my day to work on my weaknesses.  I wish ... I wish ...

I decided at that point that I needed to take myself off to bed.  I was like an overtired toddler ... having a tantrum because I needed sleep but at the same time I have been fighting sleep all week.

I had about 9 hours sleep and feel so much better for it.  I skipped into Crossfit this morning, ready to attack the workout, not dreading it like I had been last night (it had sprints in it).  I've also taken the day off work which I think is helping with my attitude today as well.

Meh!

Today was a frustrating day at the box.  Split jerks were programmed in again as a barbell complex of squat clean, front squat, push press and split jerk.  I tend to shorten my split when I start increasing the weight so I stuck with just the bar after a piss poor attempt at 25 kg.  My goal for today is to not look at the scores tonight as my total scores was pathetic and I know that it will make me depressed to look at it.

I know I shouldn't compare but I also know that I'm stronger than some of the girls at the gym but my Oly lifting is worse because my movement is off.  I rely on my strength to get me through but that only gets me so far and as a result I'm lagging behind everyone at the gym.  Anyway, I'll keep chipping away, posting crappy scores and hopefully at some point my body and head will connect and I'll improve but sometimes that seems like it's a lifetime away.

Playing Tricks With My Mind

I survived last week's hell week of programming.  By Friday I was exhausted and aching all over but as I knew that I was going to be away for the long weekend I chose to finish the week off and just scale my weights.  I was a little disappointed in my performance as lighter weights were excruciatingly heavy and our finisher of 10 rounds of 250 m run and 25 double unders was verging on pathetic (I was cut off at 20 minutes with 10 double unders left to go in my 7th round).  I was pretty close to crying throughout the entire 20 minutes, particularly as everyone was lapping me as I trudged on.

Every year we head to Cania for the Queen's Birthday weekend and this year was no different.  I can safely say that I did absolutely nothing all weekend apart from reading, having a nanna nap and a lot of sitting around looking at this:

It was just what this tired, old bod needed.

Today was a strength workout of strict press, push press and push jerk with a finisher of EMOM of 3 push jerks on the odd minute and 30 double unders on the second minute.  I felt like I could have worked harder in the strength part of today as well as in my push jerks at the end.  I tend to get influenced by the people I train around and maybe didn't push myself as hard as I could.

I was concerned about my double unders today as they continue to be a weakness of mine.  I wasn't sure if I could get 30 in a minute and give myself enough time to get my breath back for the push jerks.  At the same time, I didn't want to scale them and therefore take away the challenge and with that in mind I asked Jardan if I could try and get as many done in 30 seconds rather than scaling to 20 or 15 skips.  I sometimes find when I have to reach a certain number I tighten up my shoulders due to the pressure of the WOD.  Instead I felt a lot better by thinking I only had to skip for 30 seconds and could stop despite the number I reached.  By tricking my mind I found that I actually reached the 30 double unders before the 30 seconds.  Isn't it funny the stuff we have to do to get through a workout?

Embracing The Suck

Today was a WOD that included 4 of my worst exercises: squat snatch, running, rowing and double unders.  I was tempted to not show up.  I have been struggling mentally with Crossfit recently ... I love it so much but I'm not very good at it and there is a part of me that thinks it would be easier to quit.  I don't believe I ask for much. I don't need to excel, I just want to be able to see improvement and some days it is hard to see it (particularly after having a couple of weeks off).

I was glad that I went today.  I got to work on my weaknesses and hopefully made some headway with my lifting.  And regardless of my times for my run and row it is always good to get out there and improve my fitness.

For me, it's a matter of attitude.  I can approach things negatively or I can be positive.  I had to fight that Negative Nelly today and I admit to letting  her beat me a few times but I ended the workout feeling good about how I went today.

Sunday Rambling

Recently the gym has been posting success and transformation stories on their Facebook page.  Their stories are so inspiring and I have loved reading each one and it inspired me to write my own.

"Over the years I had competed in a couple of bodybuilding competitions and entered countless body transformation challenges, all to try and get a physique like those in the fitness magazines.  I started Crossfit as yet another way to fix the faults in my body shape.

Initially, I was terrified of what was in store for me as I had looked online to see what Crossfit was all about and as someone who isn’t particularly athletic I thought there was no way that I would ever be able to do what these people were doing.  With that in mind I booked a one-on-one session with Sean.  After that first session I was hooked.  I could modify all the workouts to suit my level of fitness and ability which made me feel so much better.

I noticed at my first real WOD that there were people of all shapes and sizes and all killing the workout.  There was no ‘ideal’ body shape; nobody cared what people looked like what mattered most was getting the workout done with good technique.  

Since starting Crossfit I have moved away from aesthetic goals and focusing on performance ones instead.  I started to value what my body could do rather than its faults.  With that in mind I introduced my daughters to Crossfit in hope that it will nip any body image issues in the bud as well as try and teach them a healthy, fit way of life.

I have come so far since I started and I know I still have a long way to go but that has been the beauty of it; as soon as I achieve one goal another takes its place ... and I’m loving the ride."

And then I didn't send it.  You see, during the times I did the 12 week challenges I would post in the forums or send something in with my transformation photos and hope for some acknowledgement of the work that I put in; I wanted a pat on the head.  I was wondering if that was my motivation for writing this and I think it was.  I realised that I didn't need it, I know and the people around me are aware of how crossfit has changed my view on things.  I know I have many fears yet to overcome but I really do try to improve a little every day and I don't really need some people to 'like' a status on FB to prove that which is a massive step forward for my self esteem.

What the???

As I said yesterday I have been working on a few things at home.  I'm practicing my wall walks as well as my jumping.  We have a small retaining wall which is 16" height at the back of our house leading to some stairs and I have been practicing my box jumps on that as I can hold onto the railing while I'm doing it.  I am making some progress in all areas; getting closer to the wall with my wall walks, jumping over some obstacles for both my lateral and forward jumping and doing the 16" wall jump. 

Last night I looked at my bed and wondered if I could jump that.  I had a couple of failed attempts and then on the third go I nailed it.  To see if I didn't fluke it I tried again and lo and behold the jump stuck again.  I then called out for Missy T to show her (she is a box jump queen) and she was excited as I was when I showed her.

Fast forward to this morning at the gym when I decided to try to jump the 12" box and, nup, could not make it happen.  WTF?  I was doing 20" with ease last night and as soon as my box turns from a nice, soft mattress to a hard, wooden box my thinky brain takes over despite the height being reduced by 8".  I wish I could learn to turn off my head.

This morning we did 'Diane' which is a 21, 15, 9 doublet of deadlifts and HSPU.  I went in thinking I would do 50 kg deadies today until I warmed up and changed my mind to 40 kg and the handstand push ups were scaled to box pikes with an abmat.  I did the workout in 3:56 and was pretty happy with the time.  I was a little down on myself in the warm up as we had to do some handstand  holds and it was only me and another girl who couldn't do it.  I feel like such a lame-arse because I can't even kick into a handstand let alone hold myself there.  One day, Michelle, one day.

Nate

My Little Crossfit Kid

Today was a hero workout known as Nate.

AMRAP – 20min

-

2 Muscle-ups

4 Handstand Push-ups

8 Kettlebell swings, 32kg (24kg)

 

My scaling was:

 

2 ring pull ups and 2 ring dips

4 box pikes

12 kg kettlebell

 

My back felt a little tight today so I held back on the kettlebell but in hindsight I most probably could have done 16 kg.  I finished with a score of 12 rounds ... not too shabby.

 

I really enjoyed this WOD, it was in my wheelhouse with the scaling I chose.  We also got to play with our muscle up transitions which was loads of fun.  I would love to buy a set of rings for home so I could play some more.

 

We did some gymnastics on Thursday night and Beni assisted me with getting into a handstand.  It made me realise that I have a long way to go to build up my upper body strength and perhaps I can get Mal to help me at home as well as practicing pikes when I get the chance.  To be honest though, it was a big step for me to attempt the handstand in front of people and for that I am proud of myself.

 

I have been getting really down on myself lately and on the weekend I realised that, at times, it is exhausting for me to go to the box and train with other people.  I get really nervous when around others (even friends) and it fatigues me to be constantly outside my comfort zone.  Lately I have been wanting to retreat, I have been wanting to train on my own and start stressing myself out when I'm paired with someone who I feel is stronger than me.  I have been wondering if I should just train at home by myself again and then realise that CrossFit has been the best thing for me as I have found a community that is supportive and pushes me to be better.  It's good for me to be around others and to meet new people.  I enjoy training with my usual partners but I also don't mind getting paired with newbies as I like taking on that nurturing role and I don't have any issues with changing weights to accomodate them or lifting lighter weight if necessary.  The fact that I am attempting to do movements that I know I suck at in front of people and can have a laugh when I fail means that despite how I have been feeling I am getting mentally stronger by pushing myself to show up and not retreat into my cave.

 



Deload

I have been trying to include some deload days in my strength workouts.  Typically, I'm tired by the end of the week and instead of taking these days off entirely I have been going to the gym and still working out but lifting lighter.  It does feel good physically as I am really focusing on my technique rather than trying to lift at my max.  I do, however, find it difficult to train with others when I'm doing this.  Last night I tried to partner up with a newbie so I didn't feel so lame lifting piddly little weights but unfortunately there weren't enough racks to go around.  We were split up and I was put with a couple of more experienced girls.  Of course I felt bad that we had to change weights to accomodate my much lower weight.  They didn't mind as we had plenty of time to get the workout done.  I finished the night feeling a little low as I felt like I didn't work nearly hard enough but I need to remind myself that I'm doing it for a reason.

In between the front squats we had to do ring dips.  Like my pull ups, I'm at that point where the orange band is too much resistance but unassisted is a little too hard. I did manage to get a few reps out without the band. I need to figure out how to make that transition which will allow me to get stronger in these movements.

So Predictable

I am finding I'm cruising along maintaining a pretty positive outlook and then, BAM, doubt kicks in.  I know that it's cyclic, I know that it's part of the normal ebbs and flows of life but some days it's so hard to fight it.

I just have to remind myself that I'm doing well, to not compare, to not try and compete, to work hard but deload if I need, that it's okay to fail but I don't need to work to failure everytime I train, to believe in myself, to not take it all so seriously, that it's fun, to know that in a couple of days time I'll look back at days like today and wonder what I was down about.

That felt good to write down because I know that these down times are just a little blip in my life.  As I have said many times, I get frustrated because I want to be better.  A better wife, a better mother, a better person, a better crossfit athlete.  I don't want to be elite, I just want to be alright ... to be able to do the workouts as prescribed.  I don't think that is too much to ask, is it?  Anyway, I will keep chipping away and maybe I'll get there one day.

Tuesday Ramblings

Today's WOD:

Complete As Many Rounds as Possible in:

15min

-

5 Ring Push Ups

10 Pull Ups

10 V-Ups

50 Double Unders

 

This was a fun yet tough workout and I was really pleased with the improvements I have made in a few areas.  The only thing I had to scale was the pull ups and they felt really strong today that is has given me the confidence that if we have a WOD with a smaller number of pull ups I may give them a go unassisted.  The highlight of my day was that I managed to string together 28 double unders in a row which is a PB.  Yay!

 

We then moved onto some gymnastics work and, as we all know, this is an area which I need a LOT of work in.  I tried a movement on the floor that kind of looked like a candlestick pose but we had to rock into it and push up with our legs.  We then moved onto the rings to flip upside down and then bring our legs down. My whiny voice started up around then and I had a bit of a freak out.  I think it was a combination of trying something new, going upside down and the fact that there were a group of people watching me attempt it.  The introvert in me would rather try these things by myself and if I fail there are no witnesses ... I really need to work on that because nobody really cares if I try and fail.

 

I just wish I was fearless sometimes.

Grrrr!

Today's workout was a strength day working on our cleans.  I had one of those mornings as I was getting ready where I was cruising along and was going to be early and then all of a sudden I was running late.  I also changed up my preworkout meal and I'm not sure if it agreed with me too much.  Whatever it was (I think PMT is a factor as well), I just wasn't feeling 'it' today.

I was cranky and I struggled even with a light weight.  I just wasn't in the mood for lifting.  I noticed I was overthinking the lifts too much and as a result was off balance as I went into the squat.  I'm getting frustrated with this lift in particular as I haven't been able to get past 35 kg.  I hit that weight way back when I did the open workout in March.  That's a long time to be stuck on a weight.  The frustrating bit for me is that I nail 35 kg and then I stack the weights to make 37.5 kg and my mind just goes, "nah, it ain't gonna happen!"

I would like to try and figure out how to get past this plateau.  Maybe it's just a case of I need to get really comfortable at 35 kg like being able to do it at that weight for multiple reps to build up my confidence.  I spoke to Nick this morning about it as I was wondering if I need to mix things up a little with my diet etc.  He basically said that I need to win the battle with my mind because that is what is holding me back.  I wonder if I make some changes (eg nutrition, nice new workout gear, a powerband :P), it would have a placebo effect and trick my brain into thinking it can do something.

Maybe I should just stop overthinking things.

Thud!

I have been brought back to reality with a thud.  We had a lovely few weeks in Thailand and while I'm glad to be home I'm also not ready to get back into day-to-day routine.  I enjoyed our couple of weeks and had some fantastic adventures with the highlights being riding the elephants, snorkelling at Phi Phi Island and bathing, feeding and playing with tiger cubs.  Here are a few pics:

Swimming in Phi Phi Lagoon

At the Phuket Fantasea Show

The girls and a tiger.  Can we keep it?

mmmm ... cocktails!

As it was a public holiday yesterday I had to do a workout at home.  I chose to do one of the WODs from last week which included strict pull ups and then a finisher of double unders, toes to bar (I did knee to chest) and walking lunges.  It was an horrendous workout.  I was barely able to do any pull ups nor could I string together double unders.  I was so disappointed in how my fitness has dropped,
granted I had a week and a half off prior to holidays so there hasn't been much training at all in the last month.

Today I fared a little better although I didn't reach my max for either of my push jerks or squats.  All good though, I expected much worse results.

I have been getting a little disheartened with CrossFit of late and it's largely due to hitting a plateau.  As I have said before, I notice people are overtaking me and it's a bitter pill to swallow but doing research on weightlifting it is common to get the best gains in the first year and then you have to dig deep and fight for any improvement.  I have to admit that there are times when I think I may as well give up because I'll never be as strong as the other girls at the box.  Luckily, I did CrossFit Total before I went on holidays which is where you find your 1RM for strict press, squat and deadlift and add them up to give your total number.  You then compare your bodyweight against the total and see where you sit with regard to strength.  For my weight I am in the intermediate lifting division which I'm pretty darn proud of.  I often forget that I'm smaller than a lot of people that I train with.

There is so much with regard to technique that I need to learn and I can get a little uncoordinated particularly when the weight gets heavy.  I'll continue to listen to my coaches and work on my form,  maybe talk to my coaches with regard to nutrition to ensure I'm feeding myself enough and, most importantly, not give up.

Once Upon A Time ...

... I was the sort of girl who hated constructive critisism.  My self esteem was low and when people tried to instruct me my brain when straight into the thoughts of 'I suck at this', 'I should just give up', 'everyone else gets it so much better than me, I must be dumb/useless.'  I would get nervous when the coaches watched me during my lifts and I would wait while they told me all the things I did wrong. And, yes, I would focus on that word, wrong.

Lately I have noticed that my mindset is changing.  I love the feedback that I'm getting from the coaches and I try to implement what they are trying to show me.  More often than not, when I make these subtle changes I find the lift easier. Duh!

All the coaches are such a wealth of knowledge and I know they want me to be the best crossfit athlete I can.  I need to switch off my self-doubting brain and realise that I'm not going to be perfect straight away.  That doesn't make me useless, or a crappy athlete or any of those things that I have told myself over the last god knows how many years.  It will take practice, practice and more practice.  As the saying goes, "Aim for progess, not perfection."

A Dead Stop

Training has been going really well, exceptionally well in fact and then there was a public holiday in the middle of the week.  Hubby and I had decided to head to Rocky for the day as the old Gladstone Show doesn't appeal to us at all.  The gym only had one session on yesterday which was at 8 am and I decided not to go (I wanted to get in as much shopping as I could).

Today Moo has an information session at the high school we are sending her to next year (I'm finding it hard to believe I have a high school age child!) and for the second day in a row I'm going to have to give gym a miss.

This is when I realise I have a little bit to work on my mindset because panic started to set in.  I feel the need to train 6 days a week and if I don't I will somehow lose all the progress I've made.  The thing is, when I stop I totally stop.  The dog hasn't been walked and I'm struggling to get out of bed.  When I stop I want to shutdown and become a total sloth.  I need to remind myself that it's okay to have days off ... in fact, it's healthy to take a break.

PT Sesh

I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing when your coach knows your weaknesses.  Today I had a PT session with Jardan and rowing was included.  Darn it!!  I only have myself to blame, I requested one of her met con specials and she didn't disappoint with a 3 round rowing, push jerk and front squat combo.

I was so close to reaching my goal of 500 m in under 2 minutes in the first round with only a couple of seconds off the pace ... next time!  I also have this mental barrier when it comes to these types of workouts ... I do 6 reps and then need a rest and will drop the bar.  It is always 6 reps in weight workouts and thinking about it later I realised when I do Cindy I get to 12 reps in my squats and break.  There is something about me and multiple of 6.  Bizarre.  My goal in the second round of today's workout was to get beyond 6 reps before I rested.  It intrigues me how my brain works when it comes to training and how it sets up these limits in my head.

Grrr!

Today I'm tired, grumpy and sore.  We had a nice little workout of:

For time:

Row, 750 m

then …

7 rounds of:

10 Dumbbell Push Press, 20kg (15kg)

10 Box Jump 24” (20”)

 

I know that I need to increase my height for my 'box' jumps by adding another plate to my current height as I'm just not working hard enough.  Unfortunately, as soon as I saw the height of the 3 plates I started to freak out a little.  I didn't even want to try to jump it in the warm up.  I had visions of being the person in the picture above.

I hate that I let my head get in the way of doing things.  My brain starts to go into 'what if' mode.  "What if this happens or what if that happens, what if, what if, what if ...."  I also know that when I did my couple of warm ups I skipped up onto the plates.  I know this is not the standard and immediately my head went into the whole "I'm not doing it right so it's best if I don't do it at all."

To be honest, I went into today's workout not in the best frame of mind.  I whinged when we had to do a warm up run and complained when we did double unders, push ups and squats as a further warm up session.  I didn't want to do the row and whined at the end when we did mobility ... I was being a Negative Nelly the whole session.  It isn't surprising then that I took the extra plate off and went back into my comfort zone.  I was disappointed with how I went today, I was reminded how my brain is my weakest muscle.  The best thing is that tomorrow is another day to strengthen not only my body but my mind.

Digging Deep

Today was a fun workout - tough but fun.  It looked a little confusing:

Teams of 3

Indian File sequence.

10 Power Clean 50% 1RM

7 Burpees

1 X 40meter shuttle drill

….

AMRAP – 10min

Rest 3min

Repeat for a Total of 3 times

Team Members can not move onto the next exercise until the team member before them has Finished.

For First team member can not start a new round until all team members are back at the bar from the shuttle

As we had an odd number of people there were a couple of teams of 2 which made it a little easier to understand.  Person 1 had to do the cleans and burpees and when they went out for the run Person 2 started. It was the same with the team of 3 except they had to wait until everyone had finished the shuttle runs before they could start the next round.

It always intrigues me the headgames that come into play in these workouts.  In the first 10 minutes, my partner and I  managed to get out 9 rounds between us.  I found the second round tougher (obviously) and I had a few blonde moments when I accidentally did 10 burpees instead of 7 (who does that!!).  I somehow found my second wind in the third round and picked up the pace in the final minutes.  It doesn't seem to matter how long the workout is, it can be a WOD like this or something like Fran which is a sub 10 minute workout but it is always the same, the second round is always the toughest.  The second round is when I want to give up, or I start doubting my weight selection, that I feel like I have so far to go and I get my sad face on.  That's the moment I have to dig deep, I can't let my inner sooky-la-la win.  Over the course of the last year I think I have improved at putting that whiny biarch in her box and pushing myself through that sticking point that is the second round.

A Flat Week

It hasn't been the best week in the gym this week.  I have been feeling flat and a little out of sorts, yep, it must be heading toward that time of the month.  Needless to say, I have been simply showing up and ticking the boxes, I definitely haven't brought my A game at all and as a result I have gotten frustrated and a little bit down about it all.  Anyway, it is what it is and I will be forced to have a rest day tomorrow as Moo has netball trials at the same time as I go to the gym.  Sitting at netball courts is not exactly my ideal rest time, I would much rather have a sleep in one morning but such is life with busy kids.

I was reading a study regarding weight loss and a woman's menstrual cycle.  Now I'm not interested in the weight loss part but rather how to get the best out of my training during my low energy phase.  I have decided to add in BCAA's again at this time to try and minimise muscle loss but it also helps lower cortisol.  Apparently, adding cocoa into the diet can help raise serotonin and dopamine as well.  I would be interesting to try it out for a couple of months and see if it helps.

Oh, and I love this tip from http://www.tabatatimes.com/top-tips-for-your-first-two-years-of-crossfit/

You Won’t PR Every DayDon’t mistake intensity for hard work. Even if you’re having a bad day and the intensity just isn’t there, you can still get a lot out of your time in the gym through hard work. Intensity and hard work are not the same thing. Don’t skip a planned session just because you don’t think you’re going to kill it and leave everything out on the table. Not feeling too strong that day? That’s fine; scale the weights and/or rounds or time domain back. Something is better than nothing.

Little Things

I have been filled with self doubt the last week.  CrossFit is hard, really hard and there are so many things I need to improve on.  Somedays I think it would be easier to go back to what I was doing before ... I was okay at that ... I rocked at Body Attack etc.  It seems my coordination is limited to grapevines and other aerobic moves, not olympic lifting and double unders.  Some days I'm painfully aware of my limitations.

As I have said before, I have a few issues with box jumps.  They terrify me.  When I look at the box my mind immediately sees me missing it, tripping over the front and breaking an arm/teeth/nose/face.  To try and overcome this fear I have been using plates.  When I did some work with Jardan we tried a 25 kg plate and 15 kg stacked on top of each other and I just couldn't get it.  My feet wouldn't jump at the same time so I was skipping onto the plates.  I'm determined to get this as I don't want to do step ups anymore in a WOD.  To get myself used to jumping with 2 feet I have only been using the 25 kg plate and even then when I started I really had to focus on jumping not skipping.  Fast forward a few weeks and I jumped onto the 25 and 15 kg stack last night ... with 2 feet ... at the same time!!!  It seems so trivial when I see other people there jumping onto 20 or 24" boxes but I was so excited.  So much so I had to PM Jardan to let her know.  I'm so lame!

It seems like our head coach has my number though.  We had a choice last night of a run or a row.  I hate running but I dislike rowing even more so put my hand up to run.  He turned to me and asked why I wanted to run and then put me on the rower.  Nothing like being forced out of my comfort zone!

There are times though when he suggests I use an easier option when I want to go harder and last night he suggested I use a green band instead of purple (purple is a harder option) for pull ups.  I stuck to my guns and used the purple band ... it was kind of nice to prove that I could do it.  And I did full burpees instead of knee burpees.

It's these little things that keep me going.  The little improvements that keep me wanting more.  It always seems like when I'm just about to give up something happens that makes me realise I don't suck as bad as what I think I do.