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Friday, June 24, 2011

Breakdowns and Breakthroughs

Each week Mish has a 'mindset lesson'. Some of these are great and I can take a lot away from them. Recently there was talk of every breakdown there is a breakthrough. This week I have had a minor meltdown. Maybe it's due to PMT or, more likely, due to another small gain on the scales. I'm not doing this challenge to lose weight but I still allowed the scales to rule my mood.

As I said in my previous post, I haven't been following the meal plans which is largely due to the fact that we don't get the plan until Thursday and the only available day to go shopping is Wednesday so often I don't have the correct ingredients. That is just an excuse - the reality is that I have been having a nightly hot chocolate/raisin toast/crumpet. Yesterday, I decided to start logging my food again. I really didn't want to because I don't like the idea of being so controlling over my intake but I started it anyway. I started to wonder what it would be like to be 'normal' to not think about every meal in regard to the calories or nutrient ratios, to not stress about food.

I woke up this morning and started berating myself. At the start of the challenge I wanted to have a fair-dinkum go at it and see if I could place in the top 10 but today I started calling myself a loser that makes half-arsed attempt at anything I put my hand too. It doesn't take much to knock my confidence. After my morning walk I came to the realisation that I was no happier at 12% or 15% body fat than what I am at 18%. In fact, apart from this week, I'm happier. I'm not constantly starving, I have energy and when there's a social function I enjoy myself.

Perhaps, it's not the normal breakthrough for someone doing a body transformation challenge but who wants to be normal.
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