Each week Mish has a 'mindset lesson'. Some of these are great and I can take a lot away from them. Recently there was talk of every breakdown there is a breakthrough. This week I have had a minor meltdown. Maybe it's due to PMT or, more likely, due to another small gain on the scales. I'm not doing this challenge to lose weight but I still allowed the scales to rule my mood.
As I said in my previous post, I haven't been following the meal plans which is largely due to the fact that we don't get the plan until Thursday and the only available day to go shopping is Wednesday so often I don't have the correct ingredients. That is just an excuse - the reality is that I have been having a nightly hot chocolate/raisin toast/crumpet. Yesterday, I decided to start logging my food again. I really didn't want to because I don't like the idea of being so controlling over my intake but I started it anyway. I started to wonder what it would be like to be 'normal' to not think about every meal in regard to the calories or nutrient ratios, to not stress about food.
I woke up this morning and started berating myself. At the start of the challenge I wanted to have a fair-dinkum go at it and see if I could place in the top 10 but today I started calling myself a loser that makes half-arsed attempt at anything I put my hand too. It doesn't take much to knock my confidence. After my morning walk I came to the realisation that I was no happier at 12% or 15% body fat than what I am at 18%. In fact, apart from this week, I'm happier. I'm not constantly starving, I have energy and when there's a social function I enjoy myself.
Perhaps, it's not the normal breakthrough for someone doing a body transformation challenge but who wants to be normal.
9 comments:
I love this post Michelle as I can see that you are questioning your size and what makes you happy... I am happier then I have ever been and I am currently 84 kgs... I know this will reduce as I stop emotional eating, but I am happy and content with my body and who I am...
In answer to your question about what is it like to no longer log food, count calories etc. I can tell you it is fantastic and incredibly freeing. I no longer stick to meal times, but eat when hungry...
Life's short. I think if you are healthy at both 12% and 18%, but having more fun at 18%, then this must be the right place for you. In all honesty 18% BF seems at really good percent anyway. I can't remember what the healthy range is...
Take care Michelle and be kind to yourself. Listen to your heart and you will know what you want to do...
Thanks Kristy :o)
Logging food is just a means of getting back on track - it's not permanent. It's normal to think of food if you're focused on a food related goal - even prepping dinner - I have to think of what to buy etc - so may as well make them good choices.
Cheers
Liz :)
Michelle, I echo all that Kristy said.
I too have pursued the "challenge model" as a means to get leaner, fitter , stronger etc (however doing it all under my own steam and direction.) Like you, the scales became the be all and end all (despite us being mature and intelligent women) and ended up triggering my demise back into binge eating.
I'm not saying that being fit, healthy isnt important (its REALLY important to me) but I now know I dont have to be super lean to feel good about myself.
At the end of the day its all about what makes us happy and if having that hot chocolate and crumpet does it then I say "enjoy"!! Life is too short to be stressing over weighing, measuring, recording and analysing every change on the scales or tape measure.
:-) Magda
Yes, you're right Liz but I was doubting my ability to choose the healthier options. I think I feel like if I fail it is because I haven't been following the program to the letter. I know I'm capable of making the right choices, I just need to believe in myself :o)
You think we would know better, Magda ... maybe one day *sigh*
Hey Michelle
I think you answered yourself when you said "I really don't want to" in terms of logging food. Trust yourself girl. Listen to your body. You mind knows what and how much to eat but your body knows even better. The questions is "do you want to log food forever?" If the answer is no then stop now and make a promise to yourself that you'll never log again.
Fuck the numbers - who cares what your BF is or what the scales say if you are really, truly happy?
If you're loving your hot chocolate and crumpet of a night then why not just have that for dinner if that's what you really want or have a smaller dinner and this later. Would it really matter and make that much difference if you were to have this rather than chicken and veg (of whatever you're deeming healthy)?
Life's too short to worry about shit like this. Remember the important things in your life and forget the rest.
Love Shelley xxx
Shelley, you are so right ... life is way to short to be bothered with stressing about shit like this.
Michelle, for what it's worth, I'm in a very similar place at the moment.
I hate what the scales tell me, but I have so many "diets" or "eating plans" floating around in my mind that I can't stick to one long enough to make a difference...
I would love to go back a few years to the time when if I felt "heavy"(didn't even own scales then) all I did was cut down on treats and walk longer or maybe take up a group fitness class here and there and the weight would come off! There were no good or bad foods, I knew how to eat in a healthy way that suited my lifestyle...
Anyway, sorry about the rant and best of luck to you.
Take care!
Rant away Sandra :o)
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